Power off...

So my amazing friend, Sharon, reminded me of something I said I was going to do starting this past Monday. I need to unplug. I need to disconnect. I have most definitely become too focused on staying connected 24/7, and it needs to stop. My phone hasn't been turned off for more than a second in months, maybe years.

Until tonight. I just turned off my ipod, my laptop, got my clock from the other side of the room, and I'm about to turn off my phone.

I need to rest. I am sick as hell, I catch everything that comes along, and I think it might have something to do with the fact that I never truly rest. I always have some device or another within reach, and that isn't healthy. So wish me luck, and willpower. I'm gonna need it.

I slept!

About to indulge some more!

Happy Labor Day!

I legitimately have a problem...

I have GOT to go see a doctor. This insomnia crap has to go. I normally sleep 1-2 hours and then wake up, repeat ad nauseum. Last night, however, I might've gotten 2 hours cumulatively, and that includes snuggling during Donnie Darko. I can't afford to take off today, but dammit I wouldn't be heartbroken if I got sent home. I might actually be unsafe to drive... this should be mounds of fun.

And another thing...

I have the tendency to go and share these postings on Twitter. I figure most of my Blogger friends would appreciate the easy link. But then someone started reading the posts, someone who I was less-than-thrilled to see keeping tabs on me. This brought some interesting insight that just dawned on me.

I have the power to let someone bother me or NOT. No, that doesn't mean I have to be friends with everyone, because, trust me, I am not going to be. Some bridges aren't meant for repair. But they can serve as a reminder and as a lesson to keep moving forward. As that meme on Facebook says, someone's problem with me is just that. THEIR problem.

I will live my life the way I see fit, and not let negativity from others stop me!

That is kind of a big concept to wrap your head around, and yet it's very simple, as most big concepts are.

As I've said before, this is mainly therapy for me, but I greatly welcome comments and encouragement from friends. So please, DO! :)

Actually getting sleepy now...think I just needed to get this out.

Goodnight!

It's been a while...

So let's see...
Not a whole lot has changed, I still sleep sporadically, at best. I was sleeping really well everytime my "man friend" (thank you Kayla Grieshop-Williams and Carrie Bradshaw LOL) would come over, because he has this wonderful calming effect on me. I can talk to him about absolutely anything, always been the case.

But alas, insomnia has reared its ugly head once again. Which tells me something:
Even when eliminating those things from my everyday that were stressful and toxic, I still have a problem. I am very close to seeing someone, because this ridiculous.

Not that I don't have stress or anxiety right now, because I have a whole heap of it, but this stuff is in the process of being handled. There is a plan in place, and that should relax me. But it ain't.

So I'll turn to getting the words swimming around in my head, out of my head and onto the screen... again.
Until next time...

Me

Sleepy time, where are you?

Here's my life as of late, I take gobs of herbal sleep meds (valerian and melatonin), fall asleep, wake two hrs later, rinse, repeat. I have thought about it the past couple days, and now have one hell of a migraine. Taking pain pills from a friend, hopefully I'll get to nap before too long.

This pretty much sucks.

On a personal note, I have finally recognized something. Something that many girls long for but rarely find. I have a Rhett Butler! Now what to do... I have the tendency to be too eager, so I'll have to exercise patience. Good luck on that, right?

Trying to work on the running thing, but not getting much done with the boys here, because I feel bad not spending what time I can with them. Oh well, do what I can, when I can, right?

See ya next time,

Angel

Honoring the memory

So I haven't taken time to write in a couple weeks, but things are decidedly...meh. And one of those "dates" is coming up.

Sunday is Father's Day. When asked, I immediately volunteered to work a double, so as to not have too much time in my own head. A wise decision, I think. On what was to be Dad's 60th birthday last year, me, my brother, and the boys watched George Carlin and had the family recipe BBQ roast. I think I shall get Miller High Life on my way home and do something similar on Sunday. No tears, just laughs :)

If you're still able to, hug your dad. You'll never know how much you want to until it's too late.

Peace, love, and cheesecake,

Angel

Happiness is a good book... Or four :)

One thing I must make time for is reading. I love it, and just never get to do it, because I let so much else get in the way... Today, I went to Barnes & Noble with my dear friend, Laura, and got Happiness, by Thich Nhat Hanh which was a recommendation from my other dear friend, Sera. She told me to grab one that struck my fancy... I did, and within two pages, I felt like he was speaking directly to ME! I have a couple from the library, but I'm going to read this.. Soon.

Going to crack open A Game of Thrones first, and drift off to the Land of Nod....

Peace, love, and cheesecake!

Angel

Zen

If you're gonna talk the talk...

I started this post trying to come up with a title. I then realized that was like saying a musician must come up with the music before the words, or vice versa. I'm just going to write and see where the words lead me...

In the last 24 hours, since my last post, I've had people read and react to my blog, most were along the lines of "GOOD FOR HER!" and the like... in fact, all that I know of were that reaction! Seems that people really do care! In that vein, I'd like to say that I really do want to read comments from everyone that will post, but don't be a douchecanoe. This is a place for positivity!

For the past few days, I've let someone else's issues cloud my mood. In fact, in response to the question, "Hey, how are you doing?", little of what followed was only about me. So, that's one thing I'm going to change. New month, new me. It's more than just words.

I just came up with my title :)

I'm going to play some games and head off to dreamland...

But before I go, I'm going to leave my favorite quote from today, from my favorite new Facebook page... Roots of She. Check it out...

Og Mandino: Realize how good you really are.


Until next time, friends...

Peace, Love, and Cheesecake :)

Angel

My recent unpleasantness...

I've had blogging on my perpetual "To Do" list for years, and just never got around to doing it. I think mainly because I figured no one would want to read my boring account of daily life... But then I started to think about it, and realized that I tend to vent on Twitter, and people like my posts, so what the heck. That, and who says blogs have to be solely for other people's reading? The process of getting words on paper (or onscreen) has been therapeutic since Man began having a written language.

So here goes...

To say I went through a shitty breakup is to say that the Titanic got scratched. I made this person so much of "me" that I lost what it meant to be Me. I know we become different and take things from each experience and incorporate them into our new version of ourselves for future use, but this was different. There are things I've since found out that went on, that make total sense to me now, yet sicken me to my core. This woman putting up with this "relationship" was someone who I would've said "WTF ARE YOU DOING? Snap out of it!", had she been anyone else but me.

But she was.

I am free now. Broke all contact, though in a small town, that isn't easy. Tried to be friends, but due to what I'll call an "enlightening", that isn't going to happen. And what I've learned about myself in the past week alone is that that's okay. I don't have to be friends with everyone. Some connections are just not made to be permanent.

I try very hard to live my life with no regrets, and for the longest wished I had a Tardis so I could go back and change this or that. I now am starting to wrap my head around the idea again that each experience, good or bad, shapes us. It makes us who we are. We wouldn't have our future if not for our past. I am starting to mentally and emotionally get my feet back under me. I am a work in progress, as I will be until I take my last breath. I am learning. I am evolving.

I am also wrapping my head around the idea that I don't NEED a man to make me happy. Let me say that again. I don't NEED to be a +1, or a "we", or an "us". I may WANT to be any of these things, and am sure that one day I will. I NEED to be me.

The journey begins now.